Ahem.

July 2010 marks the 25th anniversary of my signing a deal with Rhino Records for the wacky little Travesty, Ltd. skit “Rock and Roll Doctor” to be included on the Dr. Demento album Dr. Demento’s Mementos—which lead to it also being included on the Rhino box set The Greatest Novelty Records of All Time and the CD Dr Demento 30th Anniversary: Dementia 2000. Yes, Dr. Demento has been very good to me. (And the Doctor’s recent announcement that he is retiring his radio program after nearly 40 years was greeted with tears at Nutco World Headquarters. This Salon piece pretty much covers the same territory as my 2006 arts feature for City Paper, but offers a nice slide show of great novelty hits.)

Anyway, I took the liberty of compiling all of the royalty statements that have piled up over the years. In short, I have sold 161,301 albums, CDs and cassettes (a surprising number of cassettes, even into the mid-’90s) and was rewarded with $13,216.09 in royalty payments. That works out to about $528 per year. As the egalitarian members of Travesty decided to divide the spoils 10 ways, each of us has earned about a dollar a week during the last quarter century for our comedy work. You’re welcome.

Now it is true that some of those educated shoppers may have purchased the albums for a copy of Dickie Goodman’s “Harry’s Jockstrap” or “Dead Skunk” by Loudon Wainwright III, but I like to think that having that signature sketch in their collection was also a motivating factor.

If you have yet to acquire this comedy gem, you may purchase the original album on which it appeared, Teen Comedy Party, online here. Or, refresh your memory by watching these fan-made versions on Youtube. I have no idea what possessed these people, but am flattered that they took the time.

• Rock and Roll Doctor

• Rock and Roll Doctor

• Rock and Roll Doctor

• Rock and Roll Doctor

I went to the movie theater 48 times in 2009, up 8 flicks over 2007. Still not at my mid-’80s high point, but then John Hughes has retired.

Not surprisingly, most of my moviegoing was at the Majestic (11), which is right up the street. The Majestic also features convenient late mid-week showtimes, and random Wednesdays have found me alone, or nearly, at 10:45 p.m. enjoying a tub-o-corn and a frosty Coke. It’s what I call a lifestyle.

The second most attended theater is also up the street, the AFI Silver (9), followed closely by Landmark’s Bethesda Row (7) and the Avalon (4). I also watched four films at the AMC Tysons megaplex-cum-unchaperoned teen magnet and three each at the more adult-friendly Mazza Gallerie and the Uptown. (Though I was at the latter amid the maddening crowds for Indiana Jones, James Bond, and Batman; still, there was no other place to see those epics.)

I saw no movies at the Montgomery Drafthouse (pictured, below), which closed the very week I had scheduled myself to check it out. I heard it was nice. There is a story to be told about why a business folds so soon after opening while hurling accusations of landlord chicanery—but you’ll have to pay me to investigate.

So, herewith are the movies I paid good money to experience in the dark with strangers, in alphabetical order:

• The 48 Hour Film Project (I saw four of the eight screenings, as I did last year. And did not participate, as I did not last year.)
• Academy Nominated Shorts 2007 (And, typically, I can’t remember which film won the Oscar.)
• The Bank Job (Bought the “pre-viewed” DVD; haven’t watched it yet.)
• BOTU Film Festival (Well, they were showing two of my movies!)
• Be Kind, Rewind
• Bottle Shock
• Burn After Reading
• Cadillac Records
• Charlie Wilson’s War
• The Dark Knight
• Detour (A ’50s noir effort presented with a terrible print.)
• The Foot Fist Way
• Forbidden Kingdom
• Forgetting Sarah Marshall
• Get Smart
• Ghost Town
• Hancock
• In Bruges (Bought the “pre-viewed” DVD; still haven’t watched it.)
• Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
• Iron Man
• Juno
• Kabluey
• Kung Fu Panda
• Leatherheads (Bought the “pre-viewed” DVD; watched most of the commentary. A bit too much joking and not enough insight and info, Mr. Clooney.)
• Let the Right One In
• Madagascar 2
• Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
• No Country for Old Men
• OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies (Unwieldy title for a brilliant French takeoff of James Bond movies, with a wonderful Connery doppelganger. Much better than this year’s actual 007 offering. As my friend Bill says, the only way to make a proper 007 movie today is as a period piece, and this was the proof.)
• Pineapple Express
• The Promotion
• Quantum of Solace
• Rachel Getting Married
• The Rocker
• Roll Models
• Semi-Pro (Bought two copies of the pre-viewed DVD because I forgot that I bought the first. And still haven’t watched it.)
• Sex & the City (I was one of 11 males at the sold-out screening at the Avalon. The din of female chatter was unearthly—even my wife found it unsettling. And it continued all through the previews, only subsiding as the opening titles commenced. Just sayin’.)
• Slumdog Millionaire
• Soul Men
• Step Brothers (Bought the “pre-viewed” DVD; haven’t watched it yet.)
• Tropic Thunder
• Valkyrie (An Xmas day matinee in a digital theater in Richmond. While the screen was crystal sharp, the theater itself was a throw-back to the sins of the ’70s—a squat box with zero charm. I was actually sitting below the person in front of me.)
• Wanted
• The Wrestler

And of course I loved each and every minute of each and every movie! So, which film gets my vote as Best Picture of 2009?

After much deliberation, I’m gonna go with Roll Models. For the Starbucks rant and the rampant D&D action. Best foreign film, OSS 117. Best animation: Kung Fu Panda. Best Actor: Danny McBride, The Foot Fist Way. Best Actress: Beyonce as Etta James, Cadillac Records. Best Song: That Slumdog Millionaire end-credit dance thing. Best Eyepatch: Tom Cruise, Valkyrie. Best Use of New Jersey: The Wrestler. Best Dialogue: “I’m tryin’ to stay centered and shit!” Samuel L. Jackson, Soul Men. Best Drum Solo: Will Ferrell, Step Brothers (A toss-up between this and The Rocker. But Rainn Wilson actually learned to play the drums for his part, which put him at a disadvantage in this category.)

The curious Web site/thingy Gender Analyzer considers the main page at Nuttycombe.com to be written, with 95% certainty, by a man. These blog pages, however, are apparently written by an 82% man.

Now I will gladly admit to being 95% man. And some days that figure might slip a point or two. Other days, I can confidently approach 98%. But 82? I thump my chest and grunt in the direction of Gender Analyzer.

(Tip of the hat to The Sexist for the link.)

While our crack team of scientists labor to return the sidebar from its inter-dimensional travels, below is a listing of what avid readers would normally find in its place. Which is to say, shining examples of my previous work, including embarassing photos. Enjoy.

Contact Me
My References
VIDEOS
48 Hour Films
How to Lobby Your Congressperson
Neat Stuff Sketches

SOUNDS
Jingles
Musical Madness
NPR Commentaries
Studio Work

WORDS
Sofa Art
Battle of the Bands
Music d’Amore
Non-Books
Little Tavern
The End of Little Tavern
Grog and Tankard
Novelty Music
End of the Jingle
Esquivel!
Videocrity
The Big List of Bad Movies
American Theater?

The sidebar has mysteriously vanished. Management is working on the matter. Thank you for your understanding.

The above shot was taken inside the elevator of the Wilkes-Barre, Pa., Days Inn. Not, as researchers previously speculated, inside a Turkish prison in 1968.

I was in Wilkes-Barre on top-secret assignment for a documentary project that will blow the lid off all previous documentaries — and I’m looking at you, Al Gore! While I am not at liberty to reveal anything more about this future award-winner, here is a photo of the actual Days Inn where I spent a blissful, nightmare-plagued evening. Oh, how I suffer for my art…

So, I finally did the Facebook thing, largely at the instigation of my wife. Who now keeps sending me eggs and cupcakes that I cannot eat.

Which means that instead of doing anything actual, I’m busy building my friend list. Which also means asking myself, Is this person actually my friend? Well, of course — you’re all my friends, aren’t you? So, go ahead and give me a poke…

Updated my review of “make-out” music with examples of said tunes. You may listen freely here. But a caution: These songs are from a collection called “Music for Love.” You may find your inhibitions under attack.

OK, I’m not quite in the weblebrity class as LonelyGirl15, Chris Crocker, or that Dramatic Chipmunk, but I certainly am thrilled.

Thanks to the tireless efforts of Bobby Hill, I am now the host of a daily comedy program on WPFW 89.3 FM, “Laugh To Keep From Crying.” Each weekday at 2:30 p.m., I will reach deep into the Nuttycombe Audio Archives to bring just a little bit of happiness to this increasingly sad world. It’s the least I can do. And I mean that literally.

Because when I say “host” and “program,” what I mean that LTKFC is a 45-second to three-minute interlude in the middle of the Midday Jazz show, for which I recorded a one-time intro and outro. But you should listen, because as I said, it’s all about the happiness. You’re welcome.

We begin this week with Moms Mabley. Most weeks should begin with Moms, don’t you think? You may stream here.